I’ve test-driven quite a few religions and churches in my life (including one cult). Each left something behind, but none have stuck fully (now that I type this, I’m thinking maybe I just have commitment issues). But the other night, as I listened to two owls converse in the middle of the city night, I got a very clear vision of everything and everyone as a universal choir. I know, how banal. But sometimes it takes me a while to internalize widely accepted concepts. And the point of my existence smacked me in the face like a piece of wet bologna: my purpose is to not be the one very small false note. I’ve been watching some singing competitions lately, and even in a very large group of singers, one off note grinds like teeth on sandpaper. You may not know where it came from, but it fucks up the entire magnificent harmony and is somehow louder than the rest of the skilled and spirited voices. So, my role is not to shit in everyone’s cereal. In practical terms I’ve taken it to mean that I will cause no more pain to those around (animal, plant, or mineral) as I absolutely have to. Human vanity drives us to strive to leave a mark on the world after we’ve gone. My new goal is to pass unnoticed, to leave the universe undisturbed by my presence. Seems kind of Buddhist-ish, I guess. I just don’t groove on the whole “life is pain” thing. Telling you, commitment issues.
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