Loyalty. Convictions.

Fuck Lou Reed. 

Leonard Cohen for life.

Not really. I listen to both. 

Especially Tom Waits.

Bob Dylan can go eat a bag of roosters though. 

And share it with Johnny Cash.

They're all great.

Quiero un cerebro nuevo

Mad hamster careening down the same wheel of thoughts and feelings and memories and epiphanies and fears. Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over...

I'm just so bored with myself. 

Do-over

 Пьяным глазом взглянув
на прекрасные земли,
Симметричных снежинок полет рассчитав,
Бог оставил свой мир
И с лукавой усмешкой
Стал искать три луны
"Чтобы ночью там было светлей."

Там пристанет и вновь
Он создаст своё уникум-чадо.
В этот раз будет лучше.
Ошибки свои оценив,
Он отвергнет идею какой-то там воли и мысли.

Будет "мир" на "Земле."
Можно всё о промашках забыть.

12/21/15

Drama

Admissions and accusations. Innocence is not proven - now what?

Hulk smash. But then what?

I pretended to have changed, she’d pretended to be hurt in the first place.

Run away and there?

A viscous drop stretches from the baseball bat in my hand.  I don’t even own a mitt.

You stand opposite. A clump of hair on yours.

“It’s for the best,” your plastic mask mouths as we swing methodically,

finishing off our pimply teenager of a marriage.

Star-crossed lovers in fiction

Love pain makes the sweetest sound.
I will drink it up.

Orthorexia

Orthorexia?  Really? We might be overthinking our food intake...

http://www.eatingdisordershelpguide.com/orthorexia.html

Sleepless

I have a special relationship with sleep. It brings me delightful tales and feelings and never lets me down.  I love it back with all my heart.

Not last night. I greeted it with a usual satisfied nod, comfortable in our routine meeting. But it shoulder-checked me and disappeared into the babbling crowd of my thoughts.

The dogs were restless, too.

Today's Soundtrack so far: Anthony Hamilton

2012 resolutions

2012 is here, so...
This year I will spend less time tearing myself to shreds over trivial bullshit and set aside the deserved guilt long enough to look ahead. 
I will not make resolutions I have no intention of keeping.
I will cut back on apologizing for small things.
I will offer a heart-felt, sincere "mea culpa" when it matters.
I will spend too much time watching TV and love every second of it.
I will diet only long enough to re-discover how delicious food is when you're truly hungry.
I will tell all the people whom I love that I do.
I will stalk down and reconnect with at least one friend from at least 10 years ago and let him/her know how important he/she has been in my life.
I will give anti-depressants a solid try.
For at least a week, I will exercise frantically and congratulate myself for my perseverance.
I will buy my husband something completely unnecessary that he wants and give it to him on a regular day - not on a special occasion.
I will moisturize.
I will antagonize my yorkie every chance I get because her death rage is adorable.
I will not dwell on the negative.
I will not dwell on the negative.
I will not dwell on the negative.
I will learn to cook at least three new dishes.
I will go somewhere warm, by the big water, for at least a couple days.
I will stop looking for the big meaning and find joy in small things.
I will look at this list at the end of 2012 and will be disappointed with myself.

today's (and tomorrow's) meaning

I’ve test-driven quite a few religions and churches in my life (including one cult).  Each left something behind, but none have stuck fully (now that I type this, I’m thinking maybe I just have commitment issues).  But the other night, as I listened to two owls converse in the middle of the city night, I got a very clear vision of everything and everyone as a universal choir.  I know, how banal.  But sometimes it takes me a while to internalize widely accepted concepts.  And the point of my existence smacked me in the face like a piece of wet bologna: my purpose is to not be the one very small false note.  I’ve been watching some singing competitions lately, and even in a very large group of singers, one off note grinds like teeth on sandpaper.  You may not know where it came from, but it fucks up the entire magnificent harmony and is somehow louder than the rest of the skilled and spirited voices.  So, my role is not to shit in everyone’s cereal.  In practical terms I’ve taken it to mean that I will cause no more pain to those around (animal, plant, or mineral) as I absolutely have to.  Human vanity drives us to strive to leave a mark on the world after we’ve gone.  My new goal is to pass unnoticed, to leave the universe undisturbed by my presence.  Seems kind of Buddhist-ish, I guess.  I just don’t groove on the whole “life is pain” thing. Telling you, commitment issues.

today's meaning

ya, still there is nothing.

A friend's Mom died last week. She was 15 years younger than my parents. It's completely done my head in.  Such pain I'm afraid to even imagine. Hard to think think that most people in the world get over it sooner or later.

Hopefully, his religion will finally come in handy.