Spathiphyllum Mortuus - or is it?

Peace lilies are seriously freaky.  Not only are they really hardy, but totally dramatic, too. 

I come into work after the holidays, to a plant that looks like a building destroyed by a bomb – a crater of random sticks sticking at sharp angles out of the ground, dark leaf debris hanging straight down. 

Dead. 

So I fill a bottle with a 50/50 mix of water and skepticism and dump it in the pot.  The soil is so dry that the water lifts it in one piece from the bottom of the pot like a floater. 

A half hour later I catch movement out of the corner of my eye.  Paranoid, I dart my eyes in that direction but see nothing but the wilted peace lily.  The scenario repeats itself 3-4 times before I make my gaze linger on the plant.  It actually moves!  It twitches upward like a zombi’s jerky gait.  The stalks straighten, the shriveled rags of leaves lighten and smooth out.  And all I can hear is Massive Attack’s “Angel” and all I want to do is baseball bat the shit out of a house plant screeching “It’s alive! Kill it! kill it!”

Instead, I keep one at every location where I’m responsible for keeping flora alive– it tells me how the other, less expressive plants are feeling.  It’s my Fido.

Oh, yeah, another year’s started. Big whoop.